Ajummas

Recently, I’ve come to a very important decision. When I grow up, I want to be an ajumma. I can’t help it. After living in Korea for the past 16 months, I have decided that ajummas, while a little scary and intimidating, are actually awesome.

An ajumma is a certain type of Korean woman. She is probably over 65 years old. Also, she is tiny! Ajummas are like 4’6” and weigh something like 75 lbs. They are also quite fond of dying their very short hair shoeshine black and perming it into super tight curls. On top of this, ajummas don’t care about conventional fashion. An ajumma will wear plaid, fuchsia parachute pants with a gold, silver and red flowered sparkly sweater and dare you to say something.

During the summer, ajummas take on a whole new level of ajumma-ness. In the summer, they go into Suntan Avoidance Mode. In Korean culture, pasty white skin is highly valued and ajummas believe this more than anyone else. They will go out in the middle of an August afternoon completely covered from head to toe. They will wear long sleeved shirts, long pants, closed shoes, and gloves. On top of it, they will wear the biggest sun visor that you have ever seen. Those things seriously look like welding helmets. It’s insane.

What I like most about ajummas are their attitudes. Ajummas run this country. No one dares to cross them. They will do the most socially inappropriate things and no one says a word. I’ve been yelled at, elbowed, body checked, and made to move by random ajummas all over Korea. Why? Because that’s what ajummas do. They do what they want and you can’t say a word because they are old ladies and this country has great respect for their elders. Plus, an ajumma will give you this crazy evil eye look that kinda makes you want to cry and apologize for even thinking that she had no right to elbow you in the kidney like that. That’s just how they are.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my own grandmother, Nanny, was really a white ajumma. Nanny was aggressive, loud, sarcastic, and made random people cry all the time. She would have fit right in with the Korean ajummas.

Like any bully, ajummas travel in gangs. I think they do this in case someone tries to stand up to them. They always have backup in case the young try to revolt against being pushed around the subway.

Technically, in Korean, ajumma means something to the effective of “a married woman or a woman old enough to be married.” So, that currently makes me an ajumma. The slang meaning of ajumma is quite different. The slang meaning is the one that I am using here.

Younger Korean women tend to be the absolute opposite of ajummas. They are kind, polite, and very fashionable. Plus, they are of normal heights. I’m not sure exactly when a Korean woman becomes an ajumma. Is it a gradual process or, on your 65^th birthday, do you just morph into a hardcore ajumma? I’ll have to investigate so that I too can become an ajumma.

All in all, I have a lot of work ahead of me. But, if I can become ruder, more aggressive, and figure out how to somehow shrink nine inches, I too will one day be an ajumma.

These ajummas are rocking their big visors.
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This is a fine example of the Ajumma Perm.
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This woman is not quite an ajumma. She doesn't have the hair. Plus, she isn't wearing any odd prints. She does, however, have the visor and her jacket has strange bedazzling on the sleeves. I think she might be 64 years old and, therefore, not a full ajumma.
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These women are hardcore ajummas. I actually took this picture shortly after they pushed me. I was just about to step onto the escalator when I was shoved aside by the first ajumma. They all then jumped onto the escalator. I took a picture of them from the back but, I wasn't brave enough to take a picture of their faces. I really didn't want to add "Beat Down by Ajummas" to my list of experiences in Korea.
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Sad & Foreign

Many people have wondered how I am able to function in Korea without actually speaking any Korean. Well, it’s easy. All I have to do is look sad and foreign. Koreans feel so sorry when I look sad and foreign that they can’t help but find some English for me. I think it’s a combination of compassion, hospitality, and them thinking that I’m a little slow.

Here is an example of this:

Me: Excuse me, ma’am, do you speak English?

Lady at the Store: (panicked look)….아니 (No in Korean)…. 한국식으로 물건 (Way more stuff in Korean).

Me: Ummm, I was wondering if this stain pre-treater works on colored clothing as well as whites.

Lady at the Store: …한국식으로 물건…

Me: OK…for …colors? (points at the bottle and then at my black shirt) Ok?

-Now I unleash my sad and foreign look-

Lady at the Store: …한국식으로 물건... (gestures for me to wait)

The lady then gets someone who speaks like two words of English. Then, that person attempts to speak to me. In turn, that person gets someone who speaks like five words of English. Now, that person gets someone who speaks like ten words of English. Before you know it, they actually find someone who speaks enough English to answer my question.

One time, I was at a store and wanted to buy a Korea World Cup t-shirt. I asked the clerk how much the shirt was. Sadly, despite the fact I attempted to ask in Korean, she didn’t understand me. But, no problem. She whipped out her cell phone and called some 12 year old girl who spoke decent English. That kid was able to translate for me and I found out the price of the shirt. The clerk even kept the kid on hold until I left the store; just in case I had another question.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Jen’s not Korean. She always looks foreign in Korea.” Well, you’re right. I do always look foreign in Korea. But, I don’t always look sad. It is the special combination of sad and foreign that gets me around. So far, I have not found anything that I wasn’t able to do. I’ve found plenty of things that were difficult to do but, nothing that was impossible to do. That is the power of looking sad and foreign.

I tried to take a picture of me looking sad and foreign but, I'm not much of an actress. I can't do it on command. All I can do on command is look kinda dumb and foreign. Or, according to Brandy, guilty and foreign.

Lunar New Year

A few weeks ago, it was Lunar New Year in Korea (and other countries). To me, it didn’t really mean much but, to Koreans, it is a huge holiday. It lasts for a couple of days. The main day was Thursday, February 3 (I think).

For the Lunar New Year holiday, which is called Seolla in Korea, people celebrate with their families. A big tradition is to visit the graves of the ancestors and pay your respects. At the graves, everyone bows and food and drinks are offered to the ancestors. After the presentation, the living family then eats and drinks everything. The tradition is to visit the graves of your paternal ancestors. This is done to secure blessings for the new year. I can’t really say who is supposed to be giving the blessings. Although, I assume it is supposed to be the ancestors.

People also visit their oldest living family members. All the kids tell me that they are “going to Grandmother’s house.” There, they wear hanboks (traditional clothing) and have a big family gathering with games and food. Also, the younger generations bow to the older generations. The kids also tell me that they get money from their grandparents.

Right before the holiday, I was teaching a class that ran through the material a little quickly. We were just having a really efficient day. Since I didn’t have anything extra prepared, I asked the kids to teach me about Lunar New Year. The above is what the kids told me but, I can’t say that it’s 100% accurate. Eight year olds speaking in a foreign language are probably not the best source of information.

The kids were super cute about teaching me about the holiday. They were really confused by my lack of celebrating. This led to one really funny conversation.

Tony: Teacher, will you be flying back to America?

Me: No. I don’t have enough time to go to America over the break.

Tony: Then how will you bow at your ancestors’ graves?

Me: I won’t. That’s not a tradition in the US.

Julia: How do you make sure you have a good new year?

Me: I don’t. I just have to see how things turn out as they happen.

The kids were shocked that my ancestors don’t get bowed to and offered food. So, they came up with a solution. They decided that I should go to a cemetery and pick some really old looking graves. Then, I should make those people my honorary ancestors. Also, I have to get a hanbok to wear and bring some food with me so I don’t offend my honorary ancestors. I asked the kids “Wouldn’t it just confuse these dead people when some random foreigner shows up at their graves, speaking to them in English and bowing?” The class’ verdict was that the randomly selected, honorary ancestors would be cool with it.

To me, the most interesting part of Lunar New Year is the gift giving. Koreans love to give each other gift sets for this holiday. Last year, my job gave us wine gift sets. This year, I got a hand towel set and a gift card to HomePlus (like a Super Target). Luiz’s job gave out bath gift sets. As I was walking around HomePlus, I found several very strange gift sets. The absolute oddest was the Spam gift set. There was also a gift set of Del Monte fruit juices and a gift set that I like to call the “You Smell!” gift set.

Lunar New Year is on of the biggest holidays in Korea. For me though, the best part of it was the time off.

This is a Spam gift set. It has Spam, generic Spam, and oil in it. Koreans seriously like their Spam. This gift set is around $30.00.

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Here are several different Spam gift sets.

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This is a Del Monte juice gift set. It is around $9.50. I can't imagine giving someone three bottles of fruit juice as a gift.

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This is a Sunkist juice gift set. I'm not sure of the price.

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This is the "You Smell!" gift set. It has soap, body wash, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner in it. What really gets me is that this is the equivalent of giving someone a bar of Dial, a tube of Colgate, and Suave Shampoo and Conditioner. It's not the scented, nicely packaged bath sets that we are used to. These are all very basic, drugstore products. This is the gift you give when you are being blunt about someone's lack of personal hygiene. There are no mixed messages here. This set it around $8.75.

The Evil Eye

The other day, I was checking my students’ homework like I normally do. To do this, I go up to each child’s desk and flip through their homework book to see that they did the assigned pages. Once a week, I collect the books, correct the answers, and then return them to the kids.

About half way through, it was Kevin’s turn. Now, Kevin is a beautiful child. He is the kind of little Korean kid that makes me want to put him in my purse and take him home with me. He has shiny black hair, flawless skin, gorgeous eyes and a super cute and friendly personality. All around, a very handsome little eight year old.

Well, I came up next to him and took his homework book. When I walked up, Kevin happened to be turned around in his seat, talking to one of his friends. When he noticed me looking through his book, he very slowly turned around and looked up at me. When I looked down at Kevin, I almost screamed! The poor child’s eye was bright, flaming red. Like, the white part of one eye was this crazy, unnatural shade of red. It really took all of my self-control to not scream my head off.

The whole thing was like something out of a horror movie. Kevin very slowly turning around and looking up at me seemed almost orchestrated. Also, his beauty really amplified the hideous imperfection of his crazy, red eye. On top of it, Kevin happened to be wearing a sweater that looking like something out of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The sweater had a picture of a teddy bear on it. The teddy bear, however, was all mangled looking. The bear had a X for one of his eyes and had missing limbs that were replaced with creepy stick figure arms and legs. I was definitely freaked out.

I looked at Kevin (even though I really, really wanted to look away) and asked him what happened to his eye.

He replied “Chan punched me!”

I looked at Chan and asked “Why did you punch Kevin? I thought he was your friend!”

Chan looked confused and said “I didn’t punch Kevin!”

Kevin then looked guilty so, I asked him what really happened to his eye.

Kevin looked down sheepishly and mumbled “My jacket zipper…”

Now, I was the confused one.

Kevin went on to explain what happened. Apparently, he was playing with the zipper of his down jacket when it flew off of the zipper track and hit his eye. His mother was so freaked out by the redness that she rushed him to the emergency room, fearing that he would lose sight in the eye. He was examined and the doctors decided that the injury simply looked horrible but, no real damage was done. So, he was sent home with his creepy eye.

I looked at Kevin’s Crazy Eye and said “So, what you’re saying is that you got into a fight with your jacket and the jacket won?!?!?”

The class took a minute to process what I said (remember, they are 8 year old second language learners) and then burst out laughing. The kids thought it was absolutely hilarious.

Kevin looked a little shocked and then started giggling like mad. He told me that he was still a little afraid of his jacket so, if it tried to get him again, I should throw it out the window. I promised him I would.

That class now has a running joke about not making your jacket mad or it will get you. It’s pretty funny but, I still wish that I didn’t have to look at Kevin’s eye.

Not nearly as bad as Kevin's eye.

Scary but, still not as bad.

My Old Classroom

I recently started teaching at a new school. Although I like the new school, I do miss one thing from the old school - having my own classroom. So, here are the pics I took from my last day of the old school.

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Now you all know what I did with all those postcards that I asked you to send to me.
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This is the All Star Board. If a student did all of their online homework, all of their book homework, and got an A+ on the weekly review test, their name went onto the board and they got a small prize. I added a star next to the student's name if they were an All Star again.
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The kids loved the Twilight poster (it says Eclipse in Korean) and the pictures of my pets. They were great conversation starters for shy classes.
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My mom sent me the Welcome sign. No student ever mentioned it. I kinda doubt they noticed it.
The sign below it says "No ramen in the class" in Korean and English. The kids will eat packets of ramen noodles dry and it is super messy.
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I used to tease the kids that this was the Wall of Super Awesome-ness. They laughed whenever I called it that but, they figured out that I switched the papers each week and they would all come in and check to see if their work made it onto the wall.
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My mom also sent me this.
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This classroom had a really nice flat screen that was connected to my computer. I had it because I taught an upper level listening class that had a DVD component. I would show the kids a short DVD clip about the day's topic and they would take notes on it. It was actually really good for my other classes too. If we had an unfamiliar topic, I could just go on Youtube and find a video that explained the topic. Or, I could do a Google Image search for whatever we were talking about and show them the pictures. I really miss this at my new school.
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Rough Around the Edges

On this past season of Last Comic Standing, comedian Guy Torry pronounced his wife “bouge-etto.” This a combination of bougie and ghetto. He said that his wife will do something classy (bougie) and then follow it up with something ghetto. For instance, his wife asked for a beautiful Louis Vuitton purse for Christmas. He got it for her but, now; she keeps a bottle of hot sauce in it. That’s “bouge-etto.”

Koreans, I have decided, are definitely “bouge-etto.” For all their bowing, manners, and technology, there are a few things that just escape them.

Korea is a beautiful and modern country. The sidewalks are clean and there are computerized bus stops on every corner. The people, for the most part, are well dressed and educated. Everything looks great until you see some guy, in a well-tailored suit no less, hacking and spitting on the sidewalk like it’s a back alley in Calcutta. Bouge-etto!

Another time that Koreans let their bouge-etto out is at the grocery store. Koreans simply can not handle free samples. When the sample lady comes out, Koreans will grab two at a time like refugees grabbing the last bag of rations from a Red Cross worker. When this happens, it’s best to step back and not get in their way because you will get hurt.

Standing in line is another act that is just beyond Koreans. You have to be super aggressive to stand in line or someone will cut in front of you like it’s nothing. They won’t slink in or wait for you to get distracted. They just waltz in front of you like you were holding their spot for them.

To combat the line cutting, many places make you take a number. You take the number from a little machine and wait for your number to flash on a screen above the next available rep. This is common at banks and movie theaters.

The #1 place that Koreans really show how bouge-etto they are is at Costco. Costco is considered an upper-middle class store in Korea. This is because Costco charges a membership fee and stocks mostly higher priced import products. So, the Koreans who go to Costco tend to be fairly well-off. However, you wouldn’t know it from the way they act at Costco.

Once they are at Costco, it is a Korean free for all. They will:

Grab free samples like they are starving
Rummage through your cart because you’re foreign and they want to see what you got
and
Steal onions and mustard from the Costco food court

Stealing the hotdog onions and mustard from the Costco food court is a big thing in Daejeon. It’s really weird to watch. Here is what most families do:

1. Buy something from the food court so that they can get a plate. Maybe they’ll get a $2 chicken bake to share among four people.
2. Eat the chicken bake and dispose of everything except the plate.

3. Take the empty plate to the condiment bar and load it up with the chopped onions for the hotdogs.

4. Add about ½ a cup of mustard (or ketchup but, mustard is the most popular) to the plate full of onions.

5. Eat the mixture with a spoon.

Personally, I think it looks disgusting. Koreans, however, seem to love it. They will sit in the food court and eat plates full of onions and mustard like it’s a delicacy.

Now, the above steps were for the average Korean who wants to steal onions and mustard. There are, of course, the hardcore who not only steal onions and mustard to eat in the food court but, also manage to steal onions and mustard to take home and eat. That takes more planning but, I have seen it done.

Those who steal onions and mustard to eat at home tend to be old ladies. I’m sure others do it too but, I have only witnessed old ladies doing it. Here is what they do:

1. Wait for the line of people at the food pick-up window to get long.

2. While the clerk is serving someone else, reach in and grab a couple of the sheets of foil used to wrap up hotdogs and slices of pizza.

3. Fill the stolen foil with stolen onions and mustard.

The people that do this tend to not even bother to buy anything. So, there is no debate as to whether they are stealing or not. It really is “bouge-etto.”

Koreans do have a few things that they excel at. I am always amazed that here, stores will put unattended tables full of merchandise outside and no one steals it. In most parts of the world, those unattended items would be gone. I am also amazed by the water coolers in public places. In the US, someone would have vandalized the water cooler tucked into a corner of the subway station. At the very least, someone would have stolen the supply of paper cups. This is definitely the bougie part of “bouge-etto.

Hopefully, as time goes on, Koreans will start to lose the ghetto and increase the bougie because, right now, they are just “bouge-etto.”

** Update (9/21/2017): The LA Times published a story on September 19, 2017 about the popularity of the onions and ketchup/mustard dish at Korean Costco. So, I was almost 7 years ahead of them.

The Onion Dispenser at the Costco Food Court

The Mustard & Ketchup at the Costco Food Court

A Woman Mixing Up a Plate of Onions & Mustard at the Costco Food Court

Just So You Know...

the Man Purse is alive and well in South Korea!

Seriously, the Korean Man Purses is everywhere. Some are subtle, sorta messenger style bags. Others are out and out handbags. It's a little off putting.

One thing to remember is that here, it is considered a sign of love to carry your wife or girlfriend's purse for her. So, you do see a lot of men carrying a purse while accompanied by a woman. However, you also see a lot of men carrying a purse while they are alone or with other guys. My personal favorite is when you see a couple and they each have a purse.

The Man Purse is such a pervasive part of society that there are even different sections for men's and women's purses in stores. Man Purses are purses, tote bags, and hand bags that are relatively unadorned. This is because it would just be girly to carry a purse with grommets or buckles. In contrast, women's purses are very elaborately decorated. They are covered with hardware, bows, ribbons, etc so that they are appropriately "feminine."

And now, without further ado, here pictures of unsuspecting, man purse toting Korean men.