Jen In Korea: September 2010

There is an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry finds himself with someone as they break into a car. I don’t really remember the rest of the episode but, I do remember that as Jerry watches him friend break into the car, he just shakes his head and says something like “This is quite a life I lead.”

Well, this is quite a life I lead.

A few months ago, I found myself in the back of a used clothing store, crouching behind clothing racks, hiding from a crazy old lady. The crazy old lady was peering through the windows of the store, looking for me. I have no idea who she was or why she was after me. All I know is that I spent a good hour dodging that crazy old lady.

The day began normally enough. I went to church and then decided to go back to the traditional market at Daejeon Station to buy Tracy a birthday gift. I had gone the day before and saw a few things that I was interested in.

The market is very traditional. It has some weird stuff and lots of odd food sitting out in buckets and bins – nothing like you’d see in the U.S. As a result, I was the only foreigner around. I think that this was my undoing.

As I was walking down a small street in the market place, the crazy old lady grabbed my hand and started yelling at me in Korean. She then turned so that we were face to face and continued screaming. She then started to cry. She also grabbed my other hand. I got nervous.

My first thought was that she was a decoy and someone else was going to rob me while I was distracted. I looked around to see who else was there but, the only other person was another elderly woman who was selling vegetables. I looked to the vegetable lady for help. She motioned that I should push the crazy old lady down. Since the crazy old lady was old, I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. She was definitely crazy but, probably not dangerous.

I did the only other thing I could think of. I politely said “I don’t speak Korean,” and ran into a store that sells Buddhist paraphernalia. I was in the store for about 5 minutes when the crazy old lady came in, screaming and pointing at me. The owner tried to calm the crazy old lady down but, she just kept gesturing at me.

Finally, the owner came over and started to inspect me. I had come in with my sunglasses on and my hair was straightened. I took my sunglasses off shortly after I came into the store. The owner took one look at my eyes and immediately went back to the crazy old lady. They had a quick conversation in Korean and then he threw her out. He told me what the crazy old lady told him. She had said that she was my grandmother and she wasn’t following me. The claim of being my grandmother is what made the owner inspect me. I don’t look remotely like a Korean even with my sunglasses on and my hair ironed but, he wanted to be sure. When he informed the crazy old lady that I couldn’t possibly related to her because I am a foreigner and she is Korean, she told him some rambling story about us being from Hawaii. She said that is why I look Western and she looks Korean. Needless to say, the owner wasn’t buying it.

I was grateful to be rid of the crazy old lady. I thought I could then go about my business without being accosted by a 75 year old stalker. I was dead wrong.

Minutes after I left the store, I heard “Chingu! Chingu!” being yelled at me (Chingu is Korean for friend). It was the crazy old lady.

My options weren’t looking good:

No one around me spoke English

I don’t speak Korean

I was the only foreigner in sight

It was time for evasive maneuvers.

I proceeded to hop from store to store and try to hide from the crazy old lady. She was surprisingly fast for someone her age.

I finally got lucky. The crazy old lady liked to chat with the shop keepers and she was chatting with the shop keeper when I was able to slip out, unnoticed. I then scrambled into the used clothing store. This is when I hid behind the racks at the back of the store.

While hiding behind the racks, I started to ponder my situation. I decided that I was probably the only person on the planet hiding from a crazy old Korean lady who was convinced that she was my grandmother. While it can be fun to do something different and be unique, it can also be a little depressing to think that I was in a situation that made me sound entirely insane.

The crazy old lady peered through the store windows for a few minutes, until she was convinced that I wasn’t in the store. I saw the shop keeper glance between the crazy old lady peering through the windows and my crouching behind the racks a few times. She seemed entirely amused by the situation but, she didn’t give away my position. I may have felt like a complete freak hiding from the crazy old lady but, at least I provided the used clothing store shop keeper with a little entertainment.

After about 10 minutes, I decided that I was free to go. I was able to shop in peace for about 30 minutes. That’s when I heard it. “Chingu! Chingu! Chingu!” It was the crazy old lady again. This time, I decided that I wasn’t going to hide.

The crazy old lady didn’t appear to be a decoy for a thief so, I just walked around with a crazy old lady walking about 10 feet behind me, screaming stuff at me in Korean. She seemed pretty content with this set up. Surprisingly, we attracted tons of attention but, only one person questioned the situation. One old man approached the crazy old lady and appeared to telling her to stop. Since it was all in Korean, I’m not sure what he said but, he seemed like he was telling her to stop being crazy. She waved him off and continued to follow me.

The crazy old lady and I did this for a good 30 minutes more. I finally lost her when I crossed a busy street.

I’ll never know what was up with that crazy old lady. But, I’ll always remember her.