My Job

Often, when I speak to people outside of Korea, they are very confused about my job. It’s understandable because my job doesn’t really exist outside of Korea, Japan, Taiwan and parts of China.

Most people think that I am a foreign language teacher at a regular elementary/middle/high school. I’m not. I teach English as a foreign language at a hagwon or academy.

A hagwon (Korean: 학원)is a night school. Basically, parents in Korea are so hardcore about education that they feel that regular school eight hours a day and every other Saturday is not enough. They also send their kids to private academies that specialize in one subject. I teach at an English academy.

At most English academies, the kids come for 2-3 hour sessions a few times a week. At my academy, the kids either come Monday/Wednesday/Friday for two hours a day or Tuesday/Thursday for three hours a day. Once the kids are there, they study nothing but English. We teach reading, writing, grammar, speaking, and listening.

My school employs a combination of foreign, native English speakers and bilingual Koreans. It’s actually a status symbol among Korean parents to have their kid taught English by native speakers. This is because schools that employ native speakers are more expensive. Also, the kid’s accent and understanding of spoken English just comes out better.

Up until the late 1990s, Korea didn’t really have native English speaker teachers. What they used to do was just have Koreans go to college abroad, become fluent, and then come back and teach. The result was pretty bad.

People who learn a language as an adult have accents. So, you have a teacher with an accent teaching. The student would then pick up the teacher’s accent plus, add his or her own accent. Then, if that student taught someone else, that next person would get the first teacher’s accent plus their teacher’s accent plus his or her own accent. Basically, the accents were so bad that no non-Korean English speaker could understand them. Also, they didn’t understand non-Korean English speakers. All they could really do proficiently was to read and to write.

The solution to that problem was to recruit native English speakers and bring them over as English teachers. The practice is now so prevalent that there is even a special visa just for English teachers. We are all here on E-2 visas.

To be an English teacher in Korea, there are a few basic requirements:

1. Be a citizen of the US, Canada, The UK, Australia, South Africa, Ireland or New Zealand.

2. Have at least ten years of education in one of those countries.

3. Have a bachelor’s degree or higher.

4. Pass a background check.

Once you’re in the country, you have to get a medical exam for immigration. The exam is actually pretty comprehensive: height, weight, vision, hearing, blood pressure reading, chest x-ray, blood test and urine test. I believe they are checking to see if we have HIV or psychiatric medications in our systems. Before I could get my visa, I had to sign several statements stating that I was not HIV positive and that I had not been in a psychiatric facility and had not taken any psychiatric medications within the last five years. Also, I had to sign a form stating that if they found out that this wasn’t true, I would be deported.

Being a teacher at an academy is completely different from working at a regular school. My hours are 3pm to 10pm. Also, I don’t get summer vacation, winter break or spring break. Of course, I do get vacation but, it’s like working at an office. You just pick your vacation dates and then arrange it with the management.

Dealing with parents is also different. As a foreigner, I almost never speak to parents. This is really just because of the language barrier. Occasionally, I do encounter a parent that is bilingual and I can speak to them but, that is very rare. Also, since the parents are paying, they can be demanding. The majority of parents are nice and reasonable but, a few are not. A few think their “angels” can do no wrong. Or, they think their child that can’t string two words together is just so awesome that he should skip a level in English.

English academies are a huge business in Korea. This leads to a ton of competition and some strange demands on teachers. Basically, we have to be really nice and friendly to the kids (to make them like us so that they keep coming and paying) but, maintain discipline and make them learn. It’s really hard to do! After a year and a half, I haven’t really figured out the balance. I tend to be strict because I just don’t like misbehaving children and I do make them learn. I am not, however, especially friendly and fun. The teachers who are very fun seem to turn out poorly behaved classes that are a little behind. I guess it’s just looks a lot easier in the movies.

English academies are not the only academies around. Other popular academies are: math, science, Korean, art and music. There are other academies, like magic or jump rope but, those aren’t nearly as popular.

Well, that’s my job. I hope you know understand a little more about it.

This is the street I work on. I've circled several of the hagwons. There are more but, I couldn't identify them all.

Jen versus The Broom

I will never use the broom again. Never! I am done with sweeping. If you come over, I am sorry but, the floor will be gross. I’ll see what I can do with just a mop but, I don’t have high hopes for it. I won’t let Luiz use the broom either. It’s just too dangerous.

This all started on Thursday, when I had the day off. It was Children’s Day (a major holiday in Korea) so, I didn’t have to work. Luiz, however, did. So, to be productive, I decided to clean the house. That turned out to be the biggest mistake ever.

Now, to give you a little background information, let me explain about Korean brooms. They are tiny! I have no idea why they are so weirdly small but, they are. I’m only 5’3” and I am way too tall to use them. I swear that these tiny brooms are the reason why all of the old ladies in Korea are permanently hunchbacked.

Anyway, I was on my hands and knees, sweeping the dust into the dustpan when I felt the most excruciating pain of my life, all in my lower back. I felt like I was dying. Then, I just collapsed on the floor. I seriously couldn’t walk or even attempt to stand. My back would not allow my legs to cooperate. I ended up crawling to the couch and using my arms to pull myself onto it. I stayed like that for about 30 minutes.

Finally, I could move around again. It hurt and I was really stiff but, I could walk. I took some Advil and halfway finished cleaning. It was really hard to finish but, I wasn’t going to let the broom completely annihilate me.

For the rest of the day, my back was killing me! I even had trouble sleeping because my back pain would wake me up when I shifted in my sleep. It took three days for my back to get back to normal. I swear, during that three days, every time I took an Advil, the broom laughed. It knew that it had won. So, now, I will never use that evil, vertebrae breaking broom again!

The Broom
Look how small it is! Sadly, this was the tallest broom at the store. There were actually shorter brooms available.

The entire broom is only 23 inches long!

Best. Training. EVER!

My school is now implementing curriculum changes. Basically, they are adding more opportunities for kids to speak and debate into the classes. These changes are supposed to be pretty radical. Because of the changes, we all had to go to debate training.

On Saturday, my coworkers and I met at 7:30am to ride a bus to headquarters in Seoul. No one wanted to be there. Seven thirty in the morning is early for just about anyone but, it’s practically the night before for an English teacher in Korea.

Once we got to HQ, we went into a conference and got settled. The training was scheduled to begin at 10:00am and it started on time. The trainer was going on about curriculum changes, homework, etc.

We were all sitting there, half listening and taking notes to stay awake, when this clearly inebriated guy blows into the room forty minutes late. Usually, when someone is late, they try to sneak in unnoticed. Not this guy. He pretty much throws himself into the double glass doors to open them. Then, he yells “I’M SO SORRY THAT I’M LATE!!! I’M REALLY SORRY EVERYONE!!!” On top of this, he’s carrying all manner of bags and random assorted crap. As he was attempting to sit down in a chair all of three feet from the entrance, he starts dropping his stuff all over the place. This led to more yelled apologies. It was hilarious! No one, including the trainer, could look away. Finally, one of the people from HQ had to go over and get him quiet and organized.

As the training progressed, this guy just got funnier.

At one point during the training, the trainer broke us up into groups. We were supposed to mock one of the debate activities in front of the rest of the group. This was to demonstrate the activities to the rest of the class.

There were four groups. The first three went uneventfully. The last group had Drunkie in it. They, of course, were doomed.

We were told to start the demonstration with each group member introducing themselves. You were supposed to give your name and location. So, my introduction was something like “Hello, my name is Jennifer. I’m from the Daejeon branch.” Not Drunkie. He grabs the mic and says (in a rapper’s best East Siiide! voice) “Yo! I’m Mason from Washington STAAAATE!” This led to giggles and confusion since our school doesn’t have a branch in Washington State. When he realized this, he simply yelled (once again, in a rapper’s best East Siiide! voice) “INCHEOOON!” I never knew that people were actually this proud to represent Incheon. I also never knew that slightly dorky looking Asian guys from Washington State listened to enough rap to be able to mimic anything remotely rapper-like.

So, Mason’s group started their presentation. Their presentation was pretty standard. That is until Mason became involved. At one point, Mason tried to fight one of his teammates for not agreeing with him. The teammate, very calmly, explained that it was a debate and not everyone is going to agree. Mason wasn’t buying it. He was up in the other guy’s face for a few seconds before he finally calmed down. I guess he took the resolution of “Cats are better than dogs” to heart.

During the presentation, Mason was a mess! He kept messing with the projection screen. At one point, he tried to rip it out of the ceiling. The trainer had to convince him that it was ok where it was. Also, he was all over the trainer’s podium. I thought he was going to knock it down and send the trainer’s laptop flying. As if this all wasn’t enough, he was having a really hard time standing upright. He almost fell off of the stage several times.

Finally, his group sat down. As the trainer went back up to the podium, she froze. She then asked “Has anyone seen my cell phone? It’s a white Samsung.” One guy pointed to Mason and said “I saw him put it in his pocket.” The trainer then asked Mason if he had seen her phone. Mason’s answer was “I AM NOT A THIEF!!!” He also pulled out his wallet to demonstrate that that was all he had in his pocket. Someone then yelled “Not that pocket; your other one!” The trainer then told him “Well, someone saw you with my phone. May I please have it back?” Mason looks at the trainer and says “Why do you need your phone?” as though she must have a valid reason to want her phone back. The trainer finally convinced him that she needed her phone to check the time. So, Mason produced the phone from one of his back pockets.

After this, it was time for lunch. You would think that there wasn’t anything else that Mason could do to act like an idiot. Well, you’re wrong.

At lunch, Mason filled up eight small cups of water. He then carried them around the room trying to give them to people. I know that this sounds like a nice gesture but, it wasn’t. Mason’s method of carrying the cups of water was to jam all of his fingers into the cups and then walk around, spilling the water everywhere. Needless to say, everyone declined. After I declined, Mason said “Man, what am I supposed to do with all of this water? I feel like such a loser with it!”

I heard that during lunch, Mason offered several people Valium and Xanax. So, I guess he might not have been drunk. I’m not really sure. I also heard that at one point during the lecture, Mason was on the floor, arranging his pills into piles. Unfortunately, I missed that.

All in all, this was the most entertaining training that I have ever been to. If all trainings were this fun, no one would ever complain about them again.

Ajummas

Recently, I’ve come to a very important decision. When I grow up, I want to be an ajumma. I can’t help it. After living in Korea for the past 16 months, I have decided that ajummas, while a little scary and intimidating, are actually awesome.

An ajumma is a certain type of Korean woman. She is probably over 65 years old. Also, she is tiny! Ajummas are like 4’6” and weigh something like 75 lbs. They are also quite fond of dying their very short hair shoeshine black and perming it into super tight curls. On top of this, ajummas don’t care about conventional fashion. An ajumma will wear plaid, fuchsia parachute pants with a gold, silver and red flowered sparkly sweater and dare you to say something.

During the summer, ajummas take on a whole new level of ajumma-ness. In the summer, they go into Suntan Avoidance Mode. In Korean culture, pasty white skin is highly valued and ajummas believe this more than anyone else. They will go out in the middle of an August afternoon completely covered from head to toe. They will wear long sleeved shirts, long pants, closed shoes, and gloves. On top of it, they will wear the biggest sun visor that you have ever seen. Those things seriously look like welding helmets. It’s insane.

What I like most about ajummas are their attitudes. Ajummas run this country. No one dares to cross them. They will do the most socially inappropriate things and no one says a word. I’ve been yelled at, elbowed, body checked, and made to move by random ajummas all over Korea. Why? Because that’s what ajummas do. They do what they want and you can’t say a word because they are old ladies and this country has great respect for their elders. Plus, an ajumma will give you this crazy evil eye look that kinda makes you want to cry and apologize for even thinking that she had no right to elbow you in the kidney like that. That’s just how they are.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my own grandmother, Nanny, was really a white ajumma. Nanny was aggressive, loud, sarcastic, and made random people cry all the time. She would have fit right in with the Korean ajummas.

Like any bully, ajummas travel in gangs. I think they do this in case someone tries to stand up to them. They always have backup in case the young try to revolt against being pushed around the subway.

Technically, in Korean, ajumma means something to the effective of “a married woman or a woman old enough to be married.” So, that currently makes me an ajumma. The slang meaning of ajumma is quite different. The slang meaning is the one that I am using here.

Younger Korean women tend to be the absolute opposite of ajummas. They are kind, polite, and very fashionable. Plus, they are of normal heights. I’m not sure exactly when a Korean woman becomes an ajumma. Is it a gradual process or, on your 65^th birthday, do you just morph into a hardcore ajumma? I’ll have to investigate so that I too can become an ajumma.

All in all, I have a lot of work ahead of me. But, if I can become ruder, more aggressive, and figure out how to somehow shrink nine inches, I too will one day be an ajumma.

These ajummas are rocking their big visors.
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This is a fine example of the Ajumma Perm.
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This woman is not quite an ajumma. She doesn't have the hair. Plus, she isn't wearing any odd prints. She does, however, have the visor and her jacket has strange bedazzling on the sleeves. I think she might be 64 years old and, therefore, not a full ajumma.
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These women are hardcore ajummas. I actually took this picture shortly after they pushed me. I was just about to step onto the escalator when I was shoved aside by the first ajumma. They all then jumped onto the escalator. I took a picture of them from the back but, I wasn't brave enough to take a picture of their faces. I really didn't want to add "Beat Down by Ajummas" to my list of experiences in Korea.
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Sad & Foreign

Many people have wondered how I am able to function in Korea without actually speaking any Korean. Well, it’s easy. All I have to do is look sad and foreign. Koreans feel so sorry when I look sad and foreign that they can’t help but find some English for me. I think it’s a combination of compassion, hospitality, and them thinking that I’m a little slow.

Here is an example of this:

Me: Excuse me, ma’am, do you speak English?

Lady at the Store: (panicked look)….아니 (No in Korean)…. 한국식으로 물건 (Way more stuff in Korean).

Me: Ummm, I was wondering if this stain pre-treater works on colored clothing as well as whites.

Lady at the Store: …한국식으로 물건…

Me: OK…for …colors? (points at the bottle and then at my black shirt) Ok?

-Now I unleash my sad and foreign look-

Lady at the Store: …한국식으로 물건... (gestures for me to wait)

The lady then gets someone who speaks like two words of English. Then, that person attempts to speak to me. In turn, that person gets someone who speaks like five words of English. Now, that person gets someone who speaks like ten words of English. Before you know it, they actually find someone who speaks enough English to answer my question.

One time, I was at a store and wanted to buy a Korea World Cup t-shirt. I asked the clerk how much the shirt was. Sadly, despite the fact I attempted to ask in Korean, she didn’t understand me. But, no problem. She whipped out her cell phone and called some 12 year old girl who spoke decent English. That kid was able to translate for me and I found out the price of the shirt. The clerk even kept the kid on hold until I left the store; just in case I had another question.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Jen’s not Korean. She always looks foreign in Korea.” Well, you’re right. I do always look foreign in Korea. But, I don’t always look sad. It is the special combination of sad and foreign that gets me around. So far, I have not found anything that I wasn’t able to do. I’ve found plenty of things that were difficult to do but, nothing that was impossible to do. That is the power of looking sad and foreign.

I tried to take a picture of me looking sad and foreign but, I'm not much of an actress. I can't do it on command. All I can do on command is look kinda dumb and foreign. Or, according to Brandy, guilty and foreign.

Lunar New Year

A few weeks ago, it was Lunar New Year in Korea (and other countries). To me, it didn’t really mean much but, to Koreans, it is a huge holiday. It lasts for a couple of days. The main day was Thursday, February 3 (I think).

For the Lunar New Year holiday, which is called Seolla in Korea, people celebrate with their families. A big tradition is to visit the graves of the ancestors and pay your respects. At the graves, everyone bows and food and drinks are offered to the ancestors. After the presentation, the living family then eats and drinks everything. The tradition is to visit the graves of your paternal ancestors. This is done to secure blessings for the new year. I can’t really say who is supposed to be giving the blessings. Although, I assume it is supposed to be the ancestors.

People also visit their oldest living family members. All the kids tell me that they are “going to Grandmother’s house.” There, they wear hanboks (traditional clothing) and have a big family gathering with games and food. Also, the younger generations bow to the older generations. The kids also tell me that they get money from their grandparents.

Right before the holiday, I was teaching a class that ran through the material a little quickly. We were just having a really efficient day. Since I didn’t have anything extra prepared, I asked the kids to teach me about Lunar New Year. The above is what the kids told me but, I can’t say that it’s 100% accurate. Eight year olds speaking in a foreign language are probably not the best source of information.

The kids were super cute about teaching me about the holiday. They were really confused by my lack of celebrating. This led to one really funny conversation.

Tony: Teacher, will you be flying back to America?

Me: No. I don’t have enough time to go to America over the break.

Tony: Then how will you bow at your ancestors’ graves?

Me: I won’t. That’s not a tradition in the US.

Julia: How do you make sure you have a good new year?

Me: I don’t. I just have to see how things turn out as they happen.

The kids were shocked that my ancestors don’t get bowed to and offered food. So, they came up with a solution. They decided that I should go to a cemetery and pick some really old looking graves. Then, I should make those people my honorary ancestors. Also, I have to get a hanbok to wear and bring some food with me so I don’t offend my honorary ancestors. I asked the kids “Wouldn’t it just confuse these dead people when some random foreigner shows up at their graves, speaking to them in English and bowing?” The class’ verdict was that the randomly selected, honorary ancestors would be cool with it.

To me, the most interesting part of Lunar New Year is the gift giving. Koreans love to give each other gift sets for this holiday. Last year, my job gave us wine gift sets. This year, I got a hand towel set and a gift card to HomePlus (like a Super Target). Luiz’s job gave out bath gift sets. As I was walking around HomePlus, I found several very strange gift sets. The absolute oddest was the Spam gift set. There was also a gift set of Del Monte fruit juices and a gift set that I like to call the “You Smell!” gift set.

Lunar New Year is on of the biggest holidays in Korea. For me though, the best part of it was the time off.

This is a Spam gift set. It has Spam, generic Spam, and oil in it. Koreans seriously like their Spam. This gift set is around $30.00.

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Here are several different Spam gift sets.

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This is a Del Monte juice gift set. It is around $9.50. I can't imagine giving someone three bottles of fruit juice as a gift.

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This is a Sunkist juice gift set. I'm not sure of the price.

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This is the "You Smell!" gift set. It has soap, body wash, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner in it. What really gets me is that this is the equivalent of giving someone a bar of Dial, a tube of Colgate, and Suave Shampoo and Conditioner. It's not the scented, nicely packaged bath sets that we are used to. These are all very basic, drugstore products. This is the gift you give when you are being blunt about someone's lack of personal hygiene. There are no mixed messages here. This set it around $8.75.

The Evil Eye

The other day, I was checking my students’ homework like I normally do. To do this, I go up to each child’s desk and flip through their homework book to see that they did the assigned pages. Once a week, I collect the books, correct the answers, and then return them to the kids.

About half way through, it was Kevin’s turn. Now, Kevin is a beautiful child. He is the kind of little Korean kid that makes me want to put him in my purse and take him home with me. He has shiny black hair, flawless skin, gorgeous eyes and a super cute and friendly personality. All around, a very handsome little eight year old.

Well, I came up next to him and took his homework book. When I walked up, Kevin happened to be turned around in his seat, talking to one of his friends. When he noticed me looking through his book, he very slowly turned around and looked up at me. When I looked down at Kevin, I almost screamed! The poor child’s eye was bright, flaming red. Like, the white part of one eye was this crazy, unnatural shade of red. It really took all of my self-control to not scream my head off.

The whole thing was like something out of a horror movie. Kevin very slowly turning around and looking up at me seemed almost orchestrated. Also, his beauty really amplified the hideous imperfection of his crazy, red eye. On top of it, Kevin happened to be wearing a sweater that looking like something out of The Nightmare Before Christmas. The sweater had a picture of a teddy bear on it. The teddy bear, however, was all mangled looking. The bear had a X for one of his eyes and had missing limbs that were replaced with creepy stick figure arms and legs. I was definitely freaked out.

I looked at Kevin (even though I really, really wanted to look away) and asked him what happened to his eye.

He replied “Chan punched me!”

I looked at Chan and asked “Why did you punch Kevin? I thought he was your friend!”

Chan looked confused and said “I didn’t punch Kevin!”

Kevin then looked guilty so, I asked him what really happened to his eye.

Kevin looked down sheepishly and mumbled “My jacket zipper…”

Now, I was the confused one.

Kevin went on to explain what happened. Apparently, he was playing with the zipper of his down jacket when it flew off of the zipper track and hit his eye. His mother was so freaked out by the redness that she rushed him to the emergency room, fearing that he would lose sight in the eye. He was examined and the doctors decided that the injury simply looked horrible but, no real damage was done. So, he was sent home with his creepy eye.

I looked at Kevin’s Crazy Eye and said “So, what you’re saying is that you got into a fight with your jacket and the jacket won?!?!?”

The class took a minute to process what I said (remember, they are 8 year old second language learners) and then burst out laughing. The kids thought it was absolutely hilarious.

Kevin looked a little shocked and then started giggling like mad. He told me that he was still a little afraid of his jacket so, if it tried to get him again, I should throw it out the window. I promised him I would.

That class now has a running joke about not making your jacket mad or it will get you. It’s pretty funny but, I still wish that I didn’t have to look at Kevin’s eye.

Not nearly as bad as Kevin's eye.

Scary but, still not as bad.